SFU Student Updates: October 11-17

Siloam Yeung / The peak

By: Finn Power, SFU student

Key updates

We heard your calls for change at the Convocation Mall

Don’t worry anymore, the tiles between Convocation Mall will be changed again! SFU a long cocommitted to promoting positive change in our community. Recent studies by unnamed authoritative experts have proven, without a doubt, that the new tile patterns have dramatic effects on the mental health of students. By improving the style and structure of the tiles at Convocation Mall, we hope to protect these monuments from SFU’s commitment to the well-being of students. The recent attack on these tiles has only strengthened the administration’s determination to preserve everything we stand for. Why tackle urgent, long-term institutional issues when we can change the floor tile?

Local birds provided steroid boosters to improve durability

Recent concerns that local wildlife are becoming increasingly aggressive on the hiking trails should be allayed. The administration intentionally began injecting high-quality steroids into local sources of bird food to increase the durability of campus trails. One of the guiding principles of SFU has been the holistic approach to solutions. By “correcting” the local birds, we created a profitable plan protect Burnaby Mountain’s biodiversity from intruding students and recreational hikers. May this remind you that SFU is committed to strengthening the ecosystems on which our campuses are built.


Trapped in the labyrinthine corridors of RCB?

We do not care? No one is coming to help you. Take advantage of this time to enjoy the many interesting and colorful maps like you slowly fade into a skeletal warning for those who dare to venture after you. If you stumble upon a geography teacher by chance, the best you can hope for is a brief rant about the importance of geography as a career before it vanishes into one of the many Shiny-like hallways. The least you can do is make sure your lich-like body is in a fun position to help bring a fleeting smile to future victims of Robert C. Brown.

Professors protest on the web

United ofNT of interdepartmental faculty began boycotting SFU’s online learning repository, Canvas. The boycott began amid growing concerns that the inability of academic staff to learn how to properly use the website has eroded student confidence. A statement from the SFU Faculty Association states:

“SFU Canvas blatantly discriminates against academic staff by requiring them to create a page on a website that they don’t bother to understand. If an academic can publish a doctoral thesis, they can certainly learn how to set up Canvas. We simply choose not to! “

Have you or a faculty member been diagnosed with mesothelioma?

You may be entitled to a letter of apology from Joy Johnson of herself – which is by no means an admission of evilthis – more asbestos exposure on campus. The dream of a towering concrete learning lighthouse atop Burnaby Mountain would not have been possible without the miracle material of asbestos. Great engineers and architects designed the Burnaby campus to literally take your breath away, and Mesothelioma is proof that they’ve made it happen. So please, the next time you hear about possible asbestos exposure on campus, remember all the good this versatile material has done for SFU.

Employment and volunteer opportunities

Another career fair to remind you of the existential fear of graduation

It’s time for another stressful reminder that higher education means nothing without possible future job opportunities. Watch as those who managed to find careers before a recession triggered by a global health pandemic lie to your face about job prospects. You will leave the event with a new appreciation for every moment not spent in the withered process of finding a job in your field of study. There really is no better way to learn why you should be excited about entering the workforce than through a Zoom Career Fair!

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